Boundries

 I notice that as people get older, especially younger generations have a very difficult time setting boundaries with friends, family, and even strangers. I think a lot of it has to do with the culture we grew up in, of course, every household has a different experience though. I had an experience a few weeks ago where I should have set a very clear boundary with a roommate when she acted very inappropriately. I have five roommates, six including myself, and we all get along very well except for one, who we will call Lilly. Lilly is one of those people that always has to contribute to the conversation regardless of what it is about. She will bring up very inappropriate and personal things even when the conversation is not centered on that topic. I want to be clear, she is very kind, but she is not very considerate. In this particular instance, I was in the living room with three of my roommates and we were all playing with a deck of tarot cards and having a good time asking dumb questions. Lilly comes into the room after being out of the apartment and asks if she can join in on the fun. I of course let her in on it to be nice since it would be rude to leave her out of a game. I start shuffling the cards and I ask her to tell me a question that is on her mind. She then begins to tell me that she wants to know why a friend of hers passed away a few years ago and then proceeds to share this super personal video that her late friend gave to her before she died. Everyone in the room was super uncomfortable and giving each other looks. I wish I had done more to let her know that now was not the time nor the place to share that, but instead, I just told her that she needs to seek out help from people who are close to her or to seek help from a therapist if she's really struggling. This is one of many instances where she has overshared and made the rest of us uncomfortable. I have since learned to set firm boundaries with her about barging into a conversation and saying whatever it is she has to say. But much like friends, relationships are also built upon boundaries. There was another instance where I had to set a boundary with my boyfriend. We had gotten into a fight and he had said some very hurtful things to me, the moment that happened I told him that he cannot speak to me that way and it should not happen again. He apologized thankfully and all was good. It is important to remember that your voice and opinion matter, and if someone is making you very uncomfortable then it is important to stand up for yourself. Setting boundaries is one of the most important things in any relationship, without boundaries it can be easy for people to walk all over you. A piece of advice that I heard from someone is that if you set a boundary with someone and they ignore it or react negatively to it, then that person is not worth your time. It's hard to be firm with people, especially if that person is someone close to you. Often times you don't want to upset the person who is overstepping, but a really go way to do that is to start off by saying, "Hey, this made me a little uncomfortable and I want to talk about it." and if that person respects you, then they will listen to you.